anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
