Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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