Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize