His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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