If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
