Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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