false alarm. still invincible.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
