some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
