I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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