At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize