So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize