i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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