she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
