Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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