but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
