You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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