just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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