Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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