saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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