It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
