Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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