Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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