This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
