I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
