The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
