home. puking in laundry basket.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
