Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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