i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
