I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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