dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
