I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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