I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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