Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
