It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
