I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
