Ambien. No doubt about it.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize