i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
