i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
