I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
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