through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
