I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
FUCK WHALES
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
