I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
