i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
