Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
