I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
