my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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