he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
