he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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