If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
