we're blogging at a bar
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
