im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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