Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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