dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize