So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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