I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
