even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
