I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
