On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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