just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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