People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
