she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
