If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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