help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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