Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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