Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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