ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
