hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
