New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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