were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
