It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize