My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
