I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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