I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
