Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
