Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
