i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
