New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
