i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
